BDSM is the acronym on the big tent that all the kinky behavior and fetishes gather under though on the face there can be little in common.

If any common thread exists in the behaviors of kinky people it's the notion of control and power. Some actually sexualize power exchange and employ semiotic expressions of power to be present in the relationship. Things like bondage and sadism are obvious expressions of power and control. The D/s relationship shifts control to one party and these relationships are called "power exchange".

The gender bender kinks may or may not be related to power issues. When there is forced fem or humiliation of the CD it is clearly using the power dynamic.

Material fetishes such a rubber, leather, plastic, etc. do not constitute power exchange. Though they are the materials which make up the uniforms of the scene players. Leather being a "tough" manly material became associated with dominance and the sadists and the belts and straps and restraints of leather became the association with masochism, slaves, submissives. Leather = power. Rubber = bondage, leather rubber and pvc = exhibitionist. Because these materials are fashioned into the uniforms of dominants and submissives they have acquired those associations, so much so that submissives and slaves almost need to see their dominants powered dressed or be dressed "submissively" in these materials.

So the clothing inside the tent may be shared, but the perspectives may not. The architype allows and enforces the categorical associations and act line ID badges that kinky folks wear. You can see the iconic dominatrix look in mainstream portrayals of fem doms - tall boots, leather corsetted waist, leather enclosed tight fitting catsuit, lots of hardware and laces to make it appear that her body is inaccessible.

Most kinky folks who are not into power exchange have "submitted" to their fetish desires. Their fetish has power over them and this can be wielded by a partner or just by wearing, smelling or fantasizing about the material. Ironically fetish materials, leather , rubber and plastic also carry strong smells unlike the "vanilla" clothes with are made from textile fabrics. It's just another means to hook one senses to the experience as being outside the norm.

I think what you're seeing is the cross-over between BDSM and fetishism, and I agree with you that it is mainly the symbolic value of the objects that is the aspect of it that fetishists are trying to 'get close' to, and clearly, what sorts of symbolic values can relatively easily be imbued into certain objects depends partly on the qualities of the materials or objects themselves. For example, leather being a 'hard' and 'strong' material makes it easy to assign the symbolic value of belonging to the role of a dominant, and it also symbolically implies hunting and killing and dominating animals in a primeval sense.

As for 'power-exchange' I think that occurs in all types of relationships, sexual or otherwise. Very few relationships involve an equal exchange. I think that very often, the role that a person wants to take, dominant or submissive, has much to do with how that person feels in their regular, ordinary life. For example, dominants often feel insecure or inferior in their 'real' lives, and so they try to balance that feeling in their sexual lives by playing the dominant role, and in the opposite sense, those who prefer to be submissive sexually are often in positions in their ordinary lives that require them to be in command control, under pressure to perform, etc. This is not always true, but seems to generally hold true, and it makes sense, because humans seek balance, if not consciously, then unconsciously (and I think it is actually is a neurological urge, but nevermind that .

I've heard that mentioned many times but I am not convinced it's balance. For the SOB dominant male exec, he may be looking for purging his sins and punishing himself for being such a prick. Why is this balance?

The the meek little gal who becomes a dominatrix at night is getting back a men who push her around. Yeah right. It sounds good. But what about the babes who are completely manipulative and just like pushing people around. Their behavior is hardly consensual usually as they identify as dominant. In fact most in the scene call themselves dom or sub and ne'er the mention of balancing out their lives.

Then there's the notion that people want to escape to the edge. For the sub it means letting go and having to act like a child again with rules and little thinking. They get punished and rewarded and manipulated like a child. It's a return to an innocent time of little responsibilty. These people simply can't cope with being adults.

The self identified dominants perhaps are over compensating for some sense of under achievement in some aspect of their lives.Even the attractive ones who do this are often confused of how to act sexually with a man or resent the notion of being submissive or seductive so they turn into a game where they like to make the rules.

This is all turned on its head because pay dominas have to play the role their clientc cast them in, even if its one of the standard roles they play in their repertoire. It's theater and illusion. But she owes sexuality even if it means no sex. So she dresses as some sort of unpenetratable erotic object of desire. A tease she doesn't want to or is afraid to be for fear of real intimacy.

Balance?

break... more to follow